Showing posts with label Big Pouch. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Big Pouch. Show all posts

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Big Pouch To Give Up Owning You; Boner McBonesteen Puts Music Career On Hold Indefinite-lee

Big Pouch To Give Up Owning You



As you may or may not be aware, Big Pouch has owned you for some time now. Yes, you, the person reading this right now. It's not just you though. Big Pouch has owned many people for a very long time. After bestowing so much ownage upon so many people indiscriminately, Big Pouch decided to call it quits today. "I've just owned so many people for so long," says Big Pouch, "it's really getting exhausting. I mean, I've owned you, I've owned your mother... I really feel I've reached my potential in the ownage category." What this means for the broader ownage economy still remains a mystery, but owniologists and bracketologists everywhere agree that in the next few months we will see a dramatic change in the politics of ownage. "I mean, Big Pouch, he was like the judge, jury, and executioner of ownage. He was the king," one expert said. "Him stepping down is like... well, let's just say things are about to get crazy."

So what's next for Big Pouch, now that he's no longer owning you? "Yo? What the hell?" Big Pouch responded to our question, "I'm trying to think. Here's the thing... now that I'm done owning people I've really started to notice the simpler things in life. It's a real sense of freedom I've never known before, not owning everyone I have or haven't ever met. I'm not sure exactly what I'll do now, but I think I might try to lease some people. I mean, I've already owned a lot, so yeah, maybe I'll lease you, and your mother from now on."


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Boner McBonesteen Puts Music Career On Hold Indefinite-lee



On the heels of the tragic accident that recentlee befell Lee Brewer, Boner McBonesteen made the shocking announcement today that he is going to put his music career on hold indefinitely to pursue other goals and do what he referred to as "soul-searching." "I've just been chasing after and boning Lee Brewer for so long now, I've forgotten what's really important in life. Like the children... and Lee Brewer." During a press conference yesterday in which he addressed the media and hordes of fans, McBonesteen announced his plans to open a new charity center in New York City named "The Boner McBonesteen Charity Center For Kids Who Have Been Hit By Cars," or TBMCCFKWHBHBC for short. "This [TBMCCFKWHBHBC] is a place where kids can come when they've been, you know, hit by cars and stuff."

Boner McBonesteen is best known for his triple platinum single "I'm Going to Bone Lee Brewer," and his quadruple platinum single "I Just Boned Lee Brewer," so he certainly has the money to start such a charity foundation. Only time will tell both if it will be succesful, and when he will eventually make his triumphant return to the recording industry. Boner McBonesteen's Facebook Fan Page can be found here, where you can listen (for free) to both of his hit singles, and see some videos and pictures of the superstar as well.


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Also, this just in:



















HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S DAY!!!



Of course Big Pouch still owns you. Please.


Sunday, March 28, 2010

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

The Greatest Games of the Decade: The Year 2008

So, it's been a while since I posted my 2007 entry. A long while. It's a new year now, but I intend to finish the Greatest Games of the Decade nonetheless. For anyone who reads this, my apologizes for the delay. In 2007 we had a lot of good games, and 2008, while perhaps not as packed with great games as 2007 (which is regarded as the best year for video games ever by many people in the gaming industry) there are still several really good games that came out in 2008. The winner for best game though is a game that I (along with many, many other people) put a lot of time into:





Fallout 3

Platform: PC, Xbox 360, PS3
Genre: RPG/First Person Action
Developer: Bethesda Game Studios
Publisher: Bethesda Softworks
Release Date (NA): October 28, 2008
Rating: M


As of right now, Fallout 3 is the best open world game I've ever played, and one of my all-time favorites. The graphics and and the art direction are amazing, as is the sound and soundtrack. The world in which the game takes place (a post-nuclear-war Washington D.C.) is incredibly well crafted and filled with adventure for those brave enough to go exploring. At its base the game engine is the same as Oblivion's, but it has been improved upon immensily. There are tons of different kinds of weapons, from everything to guns, rocket launchers, grenades, melee weapons, and even devices that shoot nuclear bombs. For the most part, they all work well too. The VATS combat system is a welcome addition because even though the real-time combat is improved over Oblivion's, it's still not as good as a top-tier FPS. VATS lets the game take on a more RPG feel in combat while still keeping the cool weapons and tactical elements of the first-person gameplay.

Like I said before, the world is incredibly well-crafted. It is a large open world, and yet almost everywhere you go you find something interesting, whether it's a location, enemies, other people, items, or pieces that add into the story. The characters, while not the best or most memorable, keep the story moving and are certainly an improvement over Oblivion. The voice acting is very good, as Liam Neeson does a good job as your father and Three-Dog is a funny and somewhat helpful guide to the Wasteland. The game's main story is solid, if not amazing. But that's only part of the allure of Fallout 3; you can do the main story how and when you want, but there's just so much else to go see and explore in the world, including many, many side quests. And like I said before, even just running around exploring can keep you busy and throughly entertained for endless hours in this game.

Also, with the benefit of hindsight, on the whole the DLC that came out for this game afterwards is very good. When I talk about a "greatest game of the year", that includes any expansions that eventually came out for it, so I factor all five DLC packs into this. The two that stand out as superb are "Broken Steel" and "Point Lookout". "Broken Steel" allows you to keep playing after the end of the main story (which you couldn't do originally, the game actually ended), and also raises the level cap from 20 to 30. It also somewhat finishes up the main plot-line. "Point Lookout" takes you to a beach in Maryland, and is structured like a small open world itself with various quests. The other three, "Operation Anchorage", "The Pitt", and "Mothership Zeta" are largely combat-focused, but are still worth playing and will give some extra loot and experience to your guy.

That all being said, if you still haven't purchased this game but want to eventually, I would definitely recommend getting the GOTY (Game of the Year) edition. It has the game and all 5 DLC packs all on one disc. The main game itself is a lot cheaper now, but by the time you wind up purchasing all the DLC (which you're going to want to do), you'll have spent more money than if you had just bought the GOTY to begin with.


Honorable Mentions:

Tom Clancy's Rainbow SIx: Vegas 2 (360, PS3, PC)- A well made tactical FPS that has you hunting down terrorists in Las Vegas. The level-up system works a lot like CoD 4, but you gain experience for your guy throughout every mode, which I really liked. Terrorist hunt is also a lot of fun.

Call of Duty: World at War (360, PS3, PC)- Nazi Zombies!!! Would be a decent game without that mode, but the introduction of that really gave it an edge in my book. If you want to know more about my feelings on this game, you can check out my reveiw here.

Dead Space (360, PS3, PC)- A terrifying third-person shooter that also has solid and very fun gameplay mechanics.

Braid (360, PS3, PC)- A very fun and challenging puzzle game. It's not a full game, hence why it's only available through download and doesn't cost much. Definitely worth taking the time to play though.

World of Goo (Wii, PC)- Another puzzle/arcade game (like Braid) that is challenging but very fun.

Little Big Planet (PS3)- A very original game in a genre (platformer) where up until this point there wasn't much originality for a while. Sackboy has got to be the cutest video game character ever (and I dont use that term very often), and while the basic gameplay is a lot of fun, it's the online creation tools and level sharing that have given this game a life-span and following that's still going strong.

Mirror Edge (360, PS3, PC)- This game has its fair share of issue, but having played it for a while I'll give it the benefit of the doubt just based on originality. Jumping and being able to do parkour all over a city is a lot of fun, and the controls for that are pretty good (especially considering it's from a first-person point of view). The combat isn't great, but that's not the point of this game. Hopefully the sequel (if it ever gets made) will take all the new things this game tried and really perfect them.

Left 4 Dead (360, PC)- An amazing zombie shooter with great (maybe the best) co-op play. Lots of fun and great to play with friends. The fact that you can play as the zombies (and it works really well) is icing on the cake.

Mario Kart Wii (Wii)- An awesome mix of classic and new Mario Kart action. As much as I still love the original Super Nintendo Mario Kart and the N64 one, I have to say that this is the best. There are lots of different characters and karts/motorcycles to choose from, the levels are all designed great (with some of the best levels from past Mario Karts thrown in too), and the controls and action are tight as ever. Also, they added a few new elements like drafting and the drift-boost that make it a little more strategic. Throw in good online multiplayer (which is rare on the Wii), and you've got a really fun game.

(Special thanks to Mike Pouch for his help with some of the games on this list.)


Biggest Disappointment:

Fable II (360)- In a year with a lot of new IP and a few big releases, this is the only one I had high hopes for that really disappointed me. Like I said in last year's post with Halo 3, this isn't a terrible game. I guess it's mediocre. But I was expecting so much more, especially with all the stuff Peter Molyneux was saying before launch (you think I would've learned my lesson from the first Fable). I enjoyed the first game; I knew it wasn't perfect but at the time (especially on Xbox) it was one of the better RPGs around. The second one really didn't improve much for me. The combat was bland, the level-up system was okay but nothing special, the realty/economy system was a joke, character customization was pretty weak, and it turned out having a dog wasn't all it was cracked up to be pre-release. I completely lost interest in the story less than halfway in, and dont even get me started on the ending. Suffice to say, as far as I'm concerned this is one of the worst (if not the worst) ending to a video game I've ever seen (the only other one I can think of that would be up there is Halo 3). Not only does it not tell a good story, the characters are all largely forgettable. And the DLC that came out afterward was all a waste of time and money too. And let's not forget the awesome "co-op" mode and what a joke/lie that turned out to be.


So that's the list for 2008. For some reason I feel like I'm forgetting some games in my "Honorable Mentions" list, so I reserve the right to add to this list if I think of something else. That being said, please feel free to comment and let me know if you think I forgot a game, you might be right!

Monday, March 16, 2009

Check out this website

mikepouch.com

Check out this website for some pretty cool random stuff. It's run by a friend of mine. There's some free music to download.