Big Pouch To Give Up Owning You; Boner McBonesteen Puts Music Career On Hold Indefinite-lee

Big Pouch To Give Up Owning You

As you may or may not be aware, Big Pouch has owned you for some time now. Yes, you, the person reading this right now. It's not just you though. Big Pouch has owned many people for a very long time. After bestowing so much ownage upon so many people indiscriminately, Big Pouch decided to call it quits today. "I've just owned so many people for so long," says Big Pouch, "it's really getting exhausting. I mean, I've owned you, I've owned your mother... I really feel I've reached my potential in the ownage category." What this means for the broader ownage economy still remains a mystery, but owniologists and bracketologists everywhere agree that in the next few months we will see a dramatic change in the politics of ownage. "I mean, Big Pouch, he was like the judge, jury, and executioner of ownage. He was the king," one expert said. "Him stepping down is like... well, let's just say things are about to get crazy."

So what's next for Big Pouch, now that he's no longer owning you? "Yo? What the hell?" Big Pouch responded to our question, "I'm trying to think. Here's the thing... now that I'm done owning people I've really started to notice the simpler things in life. It's a real sense of freedom I've never known before, not owning everyone I have or haven't ever met. I'm not sure exactly what I'll do now, but I think I might try to lease some people. I mean, I've already owned a lot, so yeah, maybe I'll lease you, and your mother from now on."


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Boner McBonesteen Puts Music Career On Hold Indefinite-lee

On the heels of the tragic accident that recentlee befell Lee Brewer, Boner McBonesteen made the shocking announcement today that he is going to put his music career on hold indefinitely to pursue other goals and do what he referred to as "soul-searching." "I've just been chasing after and boning Lee Brewer for so long now, I've forgotten what's really important in life. Like the children... and Lee Brewer." During a press conference yesterday in which he addressed the media and hordes of fans, McBonesteen announced his plans to open a new charity center in New York City named "The Boner McBonesteen Charity Center For Kids Who Have Been Hit By Cars," or TBMCCFKWHBHBC for short. "This [TBMCCFKWHBHBC] is a place where kids can come when they've been, you know, hit by cars and stuff."

Boner McBonesteen is best known for his triple platinum single "I'm Going to Bone Lee Brewer," and his quadruple platinum single "I Just Boned Lee Brewer," so he certainly has the money to start such a charity foundation. Only time will tell both if it will be succesful, and when he will eventually make his triumphant return to the recording industry. Boner McBonesteen's Facebook Fan Page can be found here, where you can listen (for free) to both of his hit singles, and see some videos and pictures of the superstar as well.


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Also, this just in:

HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S DAY!!!

Of course Big Pouch still owns you. Please.